Alfred Tennyson is oft quoted “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” But I’m certain Good Old Al never had a Quad Double from Tyler at Wendy’s in Dillsburg and then struggled as I have to recreate my culinary epiphany.
I had a love; We’ve seen each other thrice. Tyler’s “Quad Double” (only twice have I imbibed from him) was replicated by Cumberland Parkway Wendy’s once. Each was bliss (Tyler: Your cooking still holds my heart), but they have ruined me. I am forever consigned to search for the elusive flavor profile which captivated my taste buds.
To review: a Quad Double (so named by Tyler) is a Dave’s Double (2 1/4 lb patties), but made with 4 junior beef patties (1/8 lb). Same meat: but more Maillard reaction on the grill and beef surface means better flavor than a greasy double. Tyler balanced salt and char to produce a tasty, tasty creation! Like Franklin, Edison and Fleming before him, Tyler stumbled into discoveries that were neither planned nor appreciated in their time.
Delco Plaza Wendy’s in York produced a similar burger for my son Micah a few weeks after my initial, and I was eager that the trend was continuing. Hershey Wendy’s claimed they would do a Quad Double, but they simply gave me a Dave’s double with 2 smaller patties – essentially robbing me of meat.
Thursday evening, I again found myself at the Dillsburg Wendy’s. Weary from piano playing, I craved the familiar yet elusive comfort of a Quad Double. I ordered via mobile, and trekked around the building to negotiate my menu hack. Surely the original home of the Quad Double would not disappoint!
Dillsburg Wendy’s, you crafty girl, you never fail to disappoint!
1. The order screen is STILL inoperable
2. The drive through line at 10 PM was 7 cars deep! Not because everyone arrived at once, but because your average order time approaches the frequency of Hailey’s comet
I eventually mentioned my mobile order and asked if someone could make me a Dave’s Double with 4 smaller patties like Tyler had a few weeks prior. The half-asleep worker on the intercom was confused. I explained a second time. “Give me a minute”…I waited about 30 seconds. “Yeah…he’ll make you one.”
HE? HE?? Was Tyler working? Was I about to experience the joy of flavor of this taboo menu hack once again? My taste buds fluttered, and I found myself giddy. I was about to partake once more of the oft-sought after creation of my now-venerated Tyler!!
I parked at the delivery window and awaited my Frosty and Quad Double. Would Tyler hand deliver this treat? I stammered for words to say should he grace my presence. The attendant handed me the Frosty, sans spoon and I contemplated asking for one. But surely one would be in the bag, right? A spoon, and a QUAD DOUBLE. Who could ask for anything more? I quickly posted on Facebook the impending story I’m now imparting.
A minute later, the bag was handed over. Like a kid at Christmas, I drove away and ripped open the bag, eager to see the quatrain of bovine delight from the hands of his highness, Lord Tyler. I peeled off the wrapper, expecting my unrequited desire to be satiated by the presence of four patties and cheese. My eyes beheld….a plain Ole Dave’s Double, replete with 2 of the larger patties. My heart sank, and I cried out in despair, “TYLERRRRRRRR!!!”
Was this a cruel joke? What had I done to be rebuked in this way? What cosmic system of consequences and karma had conspired to deny me of my divine right?
At this moment, my hands frantically searched the bag for the presence of the spoon I had so hastily forgotten. There was none to be found! Once more, my mind sunk into the depths of despair.
I contemplated circling around to fix the error of both portions of my order, but alas, the length of the line demanded that I proceed home, with a plain ole Dave’s double, and a spoon-less Frosty. The burger was bland, a mocking double punch of flavorless meat; a scant reminder of the treat for which I had yearned. I refuse to believe that Tyler made this burger. I refuse to believe he was in the building. I posited to myself that Tyler may only be able to make this treat when he is under the influence of marijuana. My conflict grew, as I would want a sober Tyler, but I desire a treat that can only be made if he’s off the wagon! I have prayed that Tyler remains employed and may someday make me another of his savory creations.
As I drove home, I contemplated the question I now ask you: How should I proceed? It is clear that I cannot continue to order in the manner I have. In addition to my options, I invite others in the comments:
1. Continue to order the Dave’s Double but stress how important the details of this order are
2. Order 2 Double Stacks (They have the Jr Patties I prefer) but ask them to combine them into 1 sandwich at the order window? I would have to add the lettuce and condiments as an upcharge. This would allow me to continue the moniker of the “Quad Double”, but divorce Dave Thomas from Tyler’s and my creation
3. Hearty discussion could be had on the benefits of order in-person vs mobile. I believe mobile being prepaid invites skepticism from the order taker that I’m trying to scam them out of the profit. A “deal” isn’t my goal. Red meat perfection is my goal.
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